It’s almost that time of year again for South Africans to make their annual pilgrimage to the dusty land of Northam, Limpopo. OppiKoppi farm is where it all comes to together for 3 days of complete debauchery celebrating some of the best local and international acts.
I’ve been going to OppiKoppi since 2011 and haven’t looked back since. It’s much more than just a music festival. It is an institution that has been around for the last 22 years.
If 2016’s Unto The Sea is going to be your first foray into Mordor, here is everything you need to know to survive OppiKoppi, party like a true “prawn” and make it to Sunday morning alive.
Where To Buy Tickets
The first and most important step is buying your tickets. OppiKoppi sells them in phases which start in December each year and continue right up to the week of the festival.
- Normal tickets R850
- Late tickets R950 from 1st of August 2016
- Early bird and Kreesmas are sold out
Unlike previous years, Oppi is not selling tickets at the gate this year. Make sure you get yours to avoid being stuck at home and suffering from FOMO as you swipe through your friends SnapChat stories.
Glamping at Oppi’s Tent Hotels
The best part of Oppi - is the camping. But for some delicate flowers it’s a bit too rough.
If you are looking for a little bit of comfort this year and want to avoid setting up your tent, sharing toilets with the plebs and making your own breakfast – glamping is the way to go!
- Kreef Hotel R600 – R3650
- Harambee Hotel R2225 – R2225
- Klein Windhoek Hotel – R1700-R3200
OppiKoppi is a cashless festival. What this means is that you will need to stand in a poes long line in the Northam heat to buy a plastic card to put money on so that you can feed your face, drink or buy merch.
You have been warned.
How to Get to OppiKoppi
The most common way to get to Oppi is to road trip that bitch. Located 228km from Johannesburg, getting to OppiKoppi farm should take you just under 3 hours to arrive without traffic.
Top Tip: You can get the GPS coordinates to the festival off Oppi’s Facebook page.
If you are coming from further afield like Cape Town, Oppi can hook you up with some sweet train vibes. Keep a look out on Oppi’s website for this years packages which in past years have include your festival ticket, transport, a t-shirt and a gift bag.
Setting up your camp site
I made the cardinal mistake during my second OppiKoppi when I arrived at 8pm on Friday night and didn’t set up my tent. What happened next was drunken stumbling around from 4am till 8am trying to remember where I parked.
Don’t be like Lauren.
I know it’s unbelievably exciting when you get to Oppi – but trust me just set up your camp.
- Find your spot and take note of the street you park on. Write it on your body if you need to. Do what you must to avoid getting lost.
- Avoid setting up at night. Unless you want to be like Lauren.
- Set up your tent first. Make your life easier and start drinking after you have somewhere set up to crash.
- Don’t be that messy dick. Be kind to the environment and your fellow campers by keeping a plastic bag handy for all your rubbish.
- Decorate your campsite. This will make it easier for your drunk self to make it back home safely.
What to Bring
Besides the obvious things like petrol, food and booze there are a few essential things you will need in order to survive Mordor:
✓ A Tent - unless you are “carping” or keeping the dust company.
✓ Blankets – it gets cold at night and Jose Cuervo can only do so much to keep the frostbite at bay.
✓ Camper chairs – I always forget this and kick myself each year.
✓ Gazebo – you will need the shade during the afternoon.
✓ Flashlights – contrary to popular belief, alcohol doesn’t give you night vision.
✓ Wet wipes – the lines to the showers are not worth it.
✓ Dry shampoo
✓ Hand sanitizer
✓ Toilet paper
Other Important Essentials:
✓ Water – stay hydrated in between all that beer.
✓ Sunblock – or rock the lobster look.
✓ Headache pills
✓ Cellphone car charger
The Braai Necessities:
✓ Cooler box – for your drinks and meat.
✓ Ice – to avoid drinking lukewarm wine.
What to Eat
What is Oppi without a good ol' fashioned braai? It’s always a great option whether you are a meat eater or vegetarian like myself.
Some of my favourite things to put on the braai are:
- Mielies (corn) complimented with Aromat.
- Giant mushrooms filled with garlic.
- Fry’s vegetarian burger patties or hot dogs.
But if you are too drunk to light a fire, all hope is not lost. Oppi has a huge range of food stalls. From wood fried pizza (at a festival!), to footlong hotdogs and everything in between – you won’t go hungry.
Oppi’s food stall prices are not that expensive when compared to other festivals. I generally live off the stall food for dinner and carry my trust bag of treats in between meals.
My Scooby snacks usually include:
- Gummy bears
- Chip rolls
- Hummus and carrots
What to Wear
The best part about Oppi is the anything goes attitude. You don’t need to worry about how you are dressed as long as you are having a great time.
If you boobs need a break from that bra, slap on some nipple tassels and be free! No one will care, but you’ll probably end up in a lot of drunken selfies.
Here are some things to keep in mind when packing for Oppi:
- No white clothes unless you want them forever altered by the dust.
- Gumboots or closed shoes – beware the vengeance of the thorns at 3am in the morning.
- Light clothing to combat the heat during the day
- Jeans, leggings and a warm jacket for the evenings.
- Your power ranger costume, tutu and a feather boa.
Making the most out Oppikoppi
Watching the bands at Oppi is a given. But there is more to this festival than just the music.
If you truly want to make the most of Oppi here’s what you need to do:
- Throw your inhibitions aside and take part in the annual naked run!
- Don’t just stay at one stage because you know the bands. Go explore and make it your mission to visit all 7 stages of awesomeness.
- Don’t be a poes. If you are looking for a fight – stay home. Oppi is all about spreading the good vibes and helping drunken “prawns” out of trees.
- Don’t be afraid to go off by yourself or panic if you lose your friends. Oppi is full of awesome people to meet who just want to party. I am usually the random that joins other peoples groups. It will make your Oppi experience that much more memorable.
- Avoid the mass exodus out of Mordor. Everyone is going to be leaving on Sunday the moment the sunrises. You have two options – leave after the last act on Saturday night or open a beer, cook yourself some breakfast and laugh at everyone in the traffic.
- Take the day after off from work. You are going to need more than just Sunday to recover from the debauchery of OppiKoppi. Trying to remember how to type words and what words are will be the majority of your Monday if you decide to go into work.